Get A Life. fbb!
Today, fbb publishes his 5000th blog for which achievement he either needs sympathy or some kind of therapy! It all started one day in March 2010 with 10 page reads, a number which fbb found unbelievably amazing with no start-up publicity. Currently, despite Google’s occasional and illogical statistical stupidity, page reads average out at about 1000 per day.
So, a few ramblings on the theme of visions for the future.
Great (?) British Railways
Surely we all remember the Grant and Michael comedy sketch. Maybe we cannot remember what it was about, or the subtle details of the jokes (?), but here is a reminder.
Very meaningful. It is good that the nation’s railways are in such good hands as these. Except that they aren’t. For Grant Shapps read Louise Haigh – until someone else gets the “milk monitor” job.
But we do now have hundreds of staff and millions of pounds of expenditure creating Great British Railways.
A few minor queries.
Wasn’t the 1923 grouping of the many railway companies into the “big four” meant to achieve all this?
Wasn’t nationalisation from 1st January 1948 meant to achieve all this?
Wasn’t the Modernisation Plan (and its subsequent “reviews”) of the 1950s meant to achieve all this?
Wasn’t Richard Beeching’s draconian reshaping plan meant to achieve all this?
Wasn’t Sectorisation (InterCity, Regional Railways, Network SouthEast) meant to achieve all this?
Wasn’t privatisation meant to achieve all this?
Will Great British Railways fare any better?
NO!
Certainly not while Government feels it needs to get involved in the detail!
Wasn’t there once a plan for a UK high speed rail network to boost the economy and reduce carbon emissions by taking loads of freight and cars off the roads?
Whatever happened to that idea?
Maybe Buses Are The Vision?
Just occasionally there comes along a video which inspires, educates and encourages its viewers with policies which are genuinely transformational and fully focused on public transport’s role in serving the public.
And this isn’t one of them!
On Saturday last Roger French referred to a new PR wonder and provided a link so we could all feel proud of the changes that MD Janette Bell was bringing to First Bus. Or maybe Roger thought it was several tedious minutes of corporate twaddle. He didn’t say – well not in actual words
fbb tried to create a link so that all his readers could experience the richness and originality of Janette’s plans. Sadly the old bloke couldn’t ackle the technology. Bear in mind, as well, that the video is for First Bus staff only, not aimed at passengers who will probably laugh even louder than the staff.
The “show” consists of a very carefully scripted informal chat between the Boss …
… and one of her underlings, who just happens to be a employee director of First Bus.
Note that the two contenders are all clutching their carefully prepared informal scrips …
… referred to frequently by the well rehearsed participants.
Just checking she’s got it right!
After a few pleasantries, we cut to a “vox pop” from First staff explaining how the “transformation” of the company is already under way.
He is obviously an ordinary bloke as he is clutching a mug of something!
And there are electric buses in Leeds.
There is the important and PR-compulsory cr0op of “diverse” employees, equally enthisiastic about “it” …
… though as yet we are not at all clear as to what “it” may be.
And there are electric buses in Leeds.
Or maybe it’s the new staff coffee machines?
More jolly chat …
… and there are electric buses in Leeds but with the addition of statistics.
Isn’t First Bus wonderful; saving the planet single handed?
But now to the nitty gritty.
And here comes the new brand!
Steps back in amazement. That will surely draw in zillions of new passengers.
We are told that it will be rolled out over the next few years as buses are scheduled for a repaint. So probably no one will actually notice it and, by the time it is completely rolled out, someone at First will have a brand new transformational vision!
But finally, First’s staff, almost bursting with excitement and anticipation, will get to experience this new vision.
fbb will take each audacious plan point in turn.
For each heading, fbb wll replicate the headline extracted from the video. So, what’s new in the vexatious field or reliability? Readers will be shocked by these policy revelations …
… and may wish to enlarge each headline to take it all in; it is so innovative. By the way, it should read, “There are enough people … etc.”
It’s good to know that Janette is not planning a more dangerous bus service!
Of course, this is for staff. Maybe the new vision will also extend to the pssengers?
Nah! Very unlikely.
There’s a novelty!
Another stunning vision – friendly staff!
It brings a lump to your eye and a tear to your throat!
Far be it for fbb to criticise, but can you really make your buses better every day? Hmmm? Maybe if you are starting off from a very low base line, you could improve every day for quite a long tome.
Ah, there’s the problem. you haven’t been reflecting and learning in the past, and you haven’t had processes (whatever that means) for the future.
Maybe you are really thinking of giving every driver a set toolkit …
… so they can do the job and mend their own bus!
Sorry, Ms Bell, this is corporate twaddle and will be seen as such by your front line staff. You are talking about doing things that a bus company should always be doing and should always have been doing.
It just isn’t new in any way!
But at least one critical management question is answered by The Boss. “Yes,” she promises, “there will be a vote
this time on the new uniforms.” It even appears on screen!
So that’s all right then.
Maybe fbb is being picky (surely not?) but isn’t this screen somewhat ungrammatical – actually illiterate?
A nation (singular) should have singular verbs, i.e. loves and uses. The “nation” is impersonal, so it should be “which” … etc.
Alternatively, First Bus is for “people who love and use the bus.” That would be better. The bus isn’t big enough to get the whole nation on board without overloading.
Oooh, yes! fbb nearly forgot.
… there are electric buses in Leeds.
Tomorr0ow, a renewed and revised vision for this blog! Plus another autonomous bus “launch” that isn’t.
Next Getting Old blog : Friday 4th Oct
